Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Scientists just loving this dead whale being devoured by an octopus swarm

Screenshot: EVNautilus (YouTube)

2019's been a banner year for brutal, kickass news stories—from zombie snails to flaming semen explosions. In the end, though, there’s only one story that can emerge as the year’s most metal. Could a last-minute contender take home the trophy? Well, it’s certainly possible, although we’re not sure anything can quite top what we’ve seen so far as we wind down the year—what’s this? Could it be? Mother of God...

“Scientists Rejoice as Dead Whale is Devoured by Bone-Eating Worms and Octopus Swarms”

“We are so excited up here, to say the least!” exclaims one scientist as they pilot a remote-controlled submarine apparently named Hercules, only adding to the hell yeah-ness of this whole endeavor.

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“Any bone-eating worms?!” another woman excitedly asks soon after.

Yes, there are. God help us, there are.

The octopuses and “bone-eating snot flower worms” (no, seriously) are apparently feasting on the remnants of a four-to-five meter baleen whale carcass. It’s fascinating, it’s disgusting, it’s oddly serene, it’s the circle of life, it’s...yeah, it’s pretty metal.

The only thing arguably detracting from the hardcore scene is that cute lil’ octopus waving to the camera as the submersible begins to leave around the 1:50 minute mark. Still, it’s hard to see how anything can top this as the year’s most metal story of them all...

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Andrew Paul

Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.