As part of a bid to amp up our efforts to feed the insatiable maw of capitalist exploitation, The A.V. Club now presents a newswire that has been designed to maximize its appeal for the average internet search engine:
Guess which alluring actor and former Esquire “Sexiest Woman Alive” is getting ready to display her assets (by which we mean her voluminous amount of acting ability) on an enormous screen for anyone who wants to watch?! That’s right: According to The Hollywood Reporter, Scarlett Johansson is getting ready to star in Move That Body, an R-rated comedy from Lucia Aniello and Paul W. Downs, writers on the Comedy Central show Broad City. And stop the presses, because in addition to scripting the scorching-hot screenplay (hot in the parlance of “in demand,” because it made the 2015 Black List of the best unproduced scripts in Hollywood) Downs will co-star in the film, with Aniello directing the project! Yowza!
The film, which will definitely contain some very explicit scenes of people walking and talking and probably doing other everyday actions, concerns five friends who “rent a Miami beach house for a bachelorette weekend and accidentally kill a male stripper.” And no, fellas, you don’t have to adjust your glasses: You are seeing a plot that sounds almost exactly like a distaff version of the milquetoast 1998 comedy Very Bad Things! But the most alluring and provocative aspect of this story is the fact that Aniello and Downs are part of the team responsible for one of the funniest series on TV, full of sharp and complex female characters and challenging outdated and sexist norms of American culture! Is it getting hot in here, or is it just us?!
Also, you won’t believe what happens next when these tips for dating Natalie Dormer enhance your penis size!