Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Ryan Reynolds offers $5,000 reward for safe return of irreplaceable teddy bear

Illustration for article titled Ryan Reynolds offers $5,000 reward for safe return of irreplaceable teddy bear
Photo: Han Myung-Gu / Stringer (Getty Images)

It is, of course, a stereotype that all Canadians are nice. They are not, in fact, a nation comprised entirely of kindly Mounties; Canadians have bad days, too. This writer can confirm that there are at least two total Canadian buttholes out there (there’s the thief, assuming that person is Canadian, and then there’s another person—you know who you are, Lucas.) But this story is both nice and involves several Canadians being nice, so let’s just lean into it, shall we? For the purposes of this story about Ryan Reynolds and a teddy bear, all Canadians are pure beings of light.

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The first nice Canadian is Deborah Goble, a reporter for CBC:

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Goble has been on the case of Mara’s missing teddy bear—a Build-A-Bear that contains a recording of her late mother’s voice saying she loves and is proud of her—since Saturday. This early signal boost went viral; since Goble shared it, the bear’s owner has received various tips from denizens of the internet, has gotten assistance from the Vancouver Police Department, and will, at least, get a replacement for her backpack from Herschel. No bear yet, but there’s at least a chance such an irreplaceable gift could still be found. (It was also stolen while she was moving, which is just... way to make an already shitty day worse.)

And if it’s found (or, ah, returned), Canadian-American gin magnate Ryan Reynolds will give the person who found it a cool $5,000.

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The husband of A Simple Favor’s Blake Lively is right; we do need this bear to come home. Reynolds’ tweet prompted others to join the chorus, including fellow nice Canadian Dan Levy and not-Canadian-but-sort-of-feels-Canadian Zach Braff.

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One hopes that eventually we’ll be able to update this story with the safe return of the bear, but for now, we’ll all just have to live with the uncertainty—the 2020-ness of it all, you might say. But before you head off to comb Vancouver’s highways and byways, two more things. First of all, Reynolds seems to have also recognized Goble’s niceness and has promised to send her some gin if and when the bear is found:

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If there’s an issue with the tides later this week, blame Deadpool here. And one last detail that’s just too delightful not to share:

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Yes, some guy sure is. Anyone with information of the whereabouts of the bear can reach Mara at findmamabearyvr@gmail.com.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

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Contributor, The A.V. Club and The Takeout. Allison loves television, bourbon, and dramatically overanalyzing social interactions.

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