Either confirming its zero-tolerance policy for prior convictions or orchestrating some nefarious plot to take Katy Perry as its national bride, Japan kicked Russell Brand out of the country over the weekend, detaining then deporting him based on 10-year-old charges. Perry channeled her rage and disappointment into hashtag form, tweeting various volleys like "#mamanot happy! #don'tmessw/mahman! #uwannaplaylet'sgo #don'ttakeawomansmanfromhershe'llgetshiasty!" Slightly more subdued and coherent, Brand tweeted jokes about “Stockholm syndrome” and digging tunnels with chopsticks, while Perry eventually conceded that she was bound by professionalism to give her fans a great show anyway, just as long as there weren’t any carnations in her dressing room.

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