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Ron Funches, Conan O’Brien
Screenshot: Conan

Anybody who’s followed the career of comedian, actor, podcaster, and all-around endearing giggle machine Ron Funches knows that the formerly roly-poly comic has gotten himself into pretty impressive shape over the past few years. So when Conan O’Brien asked his pal and former stand-up touring partner about a recent altercation Funches had with a loudmouth racist, one might have expected a two-fisted tale of heroic, newly muscled fisticuffs. (Plus, Funches is currently playing the terrifying but outwardly reasonably Batman villain King Shark in the new Harley Quinn animated series, for added action-guy inspiration.) Well, as Funches told Conan on Monday’s show, there definitely were two fists, although both of them wound up socking him right in the kisser.

“I got mad at him,” explained Funches concerning the belligerent person who’d responded to being banned from the neighborhood pot dispensary by launching into some predictable white guy racism against the Asian clerk there. “I don’t know why you’re getting all racist and ignorant, it’s not gonna solve anything,” continued Funches, in the no-nonsense yet heartfelt manner listeners to his podcast Gettin’ Better know so well, his soothing, sing-song tones seemingly humanly impossible to get angry at. Except, for this asshole, those were fighting words, in the sense that he took two quick face-shots at Funches (who, to be fair, was more hoping the guy would back down) before fleeing back to wherever sucker-punching bigots go after they’re refused drugs. Luckily for longtime marijuana advocate and would-be vigilante Funches, the legal weed establishment recognized his heroism in the most satisfying manner imaginable, in that he got his pot for free that day. “I’ll get punched in the face for free pot,” laughed Funches over the happy ending to his tale of adventure. But, keep in mind, you can also just hand Ron some free pot without him getting punched in the face. Just skip the middle man on that one.


Contributor, The A.V. Club. Danny Peary's Cult Movies books are mostly to blame.

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