Confronting the past is an important part of the healing process. So, when you think about, GQ was actually doing something nice when they sat Richard Madden down and forced him to rewatch his own death on Game Of Thrones. It’s been over five years since Madden—portraying the Young Wolf, Robb Stark—was slain alongside his mother and pregnant wife at the “Red Wedding,” but judging from the actor’s visceral reaction to the clip, those wounds are still fresh.

In between the winces and grimaces, Madden offers some behind-the-scenes info on the iconic dinner slaughter, in which he took multiple crossbow bolts to the chest before receiving an intimate stabbing at the hands of Roose Bolton. “I’ve got this hydraulic pump with loads of fake blood,” the actor says, describing the mechanism that will make blood spray out of his shirt after he’s been stabbed. “But, on the first take, it’s totally misaligned so I just had a few liters of fake blood just pumped inside of my costume.” The only thing worse than getting stabbed to death is getting stabbed to death twice because you didn’t bleed right.

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With the exception of his incredibly brutal death scene, Madden seems to have no trouble enjoying the rest of the show. In fact, he still watches it. “I kind of forget that I was in it now,” the actor says. Well, the North remembers, even if he doesn’t.

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