Cole Sprouse, Stephen Colbert
Screenshot: The Late Show

Known now to fans of “show that should be a hot flaming mess but is actually really good, although maybe in an ironic way, but then again, maybe not,” Riverdale, as that teen drama’s own Jughead Jones, Cole Sprouse has been acting since as close to forever as it gets. Telling Stephen Colbert on Thursday’s Late Show that he and twin brother Dylan started doing diaper commercials at around eight months, the now 26-year-old Cole revealed to Colbert that his first celebrity crush came when he was just a bit older. Playing the seasons 6-8 version of Ross Geller’s little-seen, eventually and mysteriously missing son Ben on Friends, Sprouse told Colbert that he was so flustered by the presence of co-star Jennifer Aniston that he forgot his lines. Luckily for a young lad struggling with awestruck puppy love, a crew member shouted out “That little boy’s got a crush!”

Not saying that that’s exactly why he took a break from acting to become an archaeology student (but then again, not not saying it), Sprouse told Colbert that his college hiatus came to an end when his agent begged him to go up for this one loopy idea (loosely defined by certain disreputable people as “Archie, but he fuuucks”), and the rest is weird, improbably compelling, A.V. Club podcast-inspiring history. Colbert asked if any of the former teen (or pretending to be teens when they were 26) heartthrobs currently playing Riverdale’s parents (like Luke Perry, Molly Ringwald, Mädchen Amick, Skeet Ulrich, or Robin Givens) ever offer any advice to the new breed. Quite the contrary, replied Sprouse, noting that the old fogeys still haven’t figured out the whole social media aspect of stardom that all squeaky new stars have drilled into them from birth. Asking what, specifically, Sprouse has taught Luke Perry, Sprouse said, “When it’s appropriate to show a tasteful amount of nipple.” Watch the clip to see that the answer . . . may surprise you. (It won’t. It’s all the time. All the time Jughead nipple.)

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