With Woody Allen always looking for the next exotic city where he can take some actors to a nice hotel and maybe crank out a movie or two, the mayor of Rio de Janeiro is aggressively angling for it to be his—offering to pay “whatever it takes” to get him there, after a similar failed attempt in 2010. Mayor Eduardo Paes recently told Brazilian newspaper O Globo that he’s done everything from talking to Allen’s sister, producer Letty Arenson, to sending Allen a plane ticket, to, presumably, promising that certainly neither Allen nor any of his movie's stars can fear being robbed, kidnapped, murdered, or trampled by protestors, don’t be ridiculous, have you ever experienced the magic of Carnaval, senhor?

What’s more, Paes added, “I’ll pay 100 percent of the production costs,” saying he would then be willing to put up with any ensuing criticisms over government spending—“criticisms” that have similarly erupted over spending on the 2014 World Cup and the 2016 Olympics in a time of skyrocketing taxes, growing poverty, lack of government accountability, and a crumbling infrastructure, and generally look and sound like this. Paes believes it would all be worth it, if it meant Woody Allen shooting one of his movies in one of the most beautiful cities in the world that definitely isn’t filled with rioting protestors getting tear-gassed. “Ha ha, no!” Paes will say, while giving Allen his tour that he will definitely take. “They are only crying about the fickle nature of love! And overcoming the ennui of midlife by setting cars on fire!”