Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
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As you get older, doing things categorically gets a little harder. If you’re planning on doing something athletic, the body fights back; you’re going to twist ankles, get weird new pains, and have to spend just boatloads of time before and after transitioning from inactivity to activity and back again. Even if you’re not old enough to have to groan about your back and knees, you probably know someone older who demands that you do spend some time stretching, warming up, cooling down, and recovering. This is essentially what high school coaches get paid to do, in addition to buying the best athletes beer as long as they don’t do anything stupid with it.


Police have not yet apprehended the man in the video above, who walked into a Dunkin Donuts in North Philadelphia at 7 a.m. last Saturday, held a gun up to the cashier, and demanded all of the money from the registers. But they do know that he is a responsible athlete who, hectic schedule be damned, took a couple seconds before committing the felony to make sure his inner thighs were warmed up and limber. The move he’s doing here is going to be a real boon the next day, loosening up his back, knees, even his ankles, which is good because afterwards he had to hightail it away from police to delight in his spoils of $334 in cold, hard cash. You can see him break out into a light jog after leaving the restaurant, which is also absolutely responsible of him. You don’t want to set out in a dead sprint off the rip. You’re liable to get shin splints doing something like that.

No injuries were reported as a result of the robbery, presumably because the cashier complied quickly but also, and let’s not gloss over this, because the robber exercised proper fitness protocol here. Police are undoubtedly searching nearby homes for evidence of a prompt ice bath, as well as consumption of a 32 oz. bottle of Glacier Ice Gatorade and a banana, which aids in recovery.

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