Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Rescue Melania Trump from her private hell

Melania Trump and Donald Trump are not in love. She was ready to live out her days quietly tolerating her senile, oafish husband in a gold-plated tower. Then he accidentally became president and fucked everything up. You could see this writ in her face on the day of his inauguration, not to mention the fact that since then she has been hiding in New York and will not even come close to Washington, the city in which her sick, frazzled husband stumbles around an empty White House, his various vices tightening around him as what his family probably calls “his condition” gets worse and worse. He is a sick and frightened man.

It is enough to make you want to help her out. Now you can do just that, with a new game from CAFE. Taking the form of a top-down Metal Gear Solid riff, replete with Codec conversations and not-exactly-subtle allusions (Melania calls herself Snake, inexplicably), the game lets you haul ass past cartoon versions of Steve Bannon:


Ben Carson:

And the biggest boss of them all:


CAFE previously released a game about punching Nazis, slightly before everyone else on the planet made that game, meaning we may want to brace ourselves for a gauntlet of “help Melania” games. This one’s worth playing if for no other reason than how the Carson boss fight plays out. No spoilers, but it’s almost as subversive as an actual Metal Gear Solid boss fight.

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