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Repairing our crumbling infrastructure is being left to [checks notes] Domino's Pizza

Truly, the most patriotic-looking of all pizza logos
Photo: Justin Sullivan (Getty Images)

Having recently replaced Pizza Hut as the largest pizza chain in the world, Domino’s is taking extraordinary measures to ensure those many, many pies are safely delivered. Yahoo Finance reports the pizza giant has announced a new initiative through which it will fill potholes as well as empty stomachs.

Through the new “Paving For Pizza” program, Domino’s is offering to fill “‘cracks, bumps and potholes’ to smooth road conditions,” to help guarantee that your pizza(s) will arrive at your home or office intact. As Domino’s USA president Russell Weiner explains, “We don’t want to lose any great-tasting pizza to a pothole, ruining a wonderful meal”—or, for that matter, a Domino’s pizza. We kid, Domino’s—we know you take pizza integrity seriously, given your carryout insurance and all. And now that society is reduced to relying on private companies to do the government’s job, we might be calling on you again soon to provide shelter with your beautifully designed takeout boxes.


“Paving For Pizza” has already helped fix “40 potholes on 10 roads in 10 hours with four crew members” in Milford, Delaware, and Domino’s is already working to repair potholes in municipalities in Texas, Georgia, and California. You can nominate your town here, presumably after pledging allegiance to the crust.

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