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Red Lobster sales surge after securing coveted Beyoncé sex endorsement

(Photo illustration: Nick Wanserski)

Far from the New England-themed Olive Garden equivalent implied by its suspiciously inexpensive shrimp, Red Lobster is actually a very classy establishment perfect for celebrating special occasions like birthdays, engagements, and a vigorous pounding. Don’t take our word for it, though: This comes straight from the internet’s lord and savior, Beyoncé, who sings on her new track, “Formation:”

“When he fuck me good I take his ass to Red Lobster, ‘cause I slay.”

She probably even springs for the Seaside Sampler platter and the Top-Shelf Margarita, because one good d(eed) deserves another. Anyway, creating an association between having sex with Beyoncé and Red Lobster in the public consciousness is the best marketing the seafood chain is likely ever going to get. And the results are already showing: CNBC reports that sales at Red Lobster were up 33 percent this past Sunday compared to last year. And with Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, White Castle might have some competition as a preferred pseudo-ironic date destination this year.


And the company is responding accordingly. It can’t really address the elephant (trunk) in the room, of course, but in honor of Beyoncé, some stores are renaming their famous biscuits “Cheddar Bey Biscuits” and their Cape Codder-based cocktail the “Bey Breeze.” “It’s clear that Beyonce has helped create some Red Lobster fans, and we are very grateful to her for that,” Red Lobster CEO Kim Lopdrup tells CNBC. More like sending sex fans to eat at Red Lobster, but whatever. Their biscuits really are delicious.

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