Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Really, you'd be a fool not to drop $1,000 on a blinged-out Furby from Uncut Gems

Photo: Edmond Terakopian - PA Images (Getty Images)

We’re pretty sure that the overriding moral of the Safdie’s recent Uncut Gems is “Please do not do anything that any of these characters would do.” (Except Idina Menzel’s Dinah, whose lack of desire to share intimacy, a marriage, or even just common air with Adam Sandler’s roving garbage fire Howard is frankly inspirational.) And yet, it’s impossible to deny the hypnotic power of the movie’s early eye-catching standout, a hyper-blinged-out Furby whose eyes seem to follow you, not just across a room, but also deep into the shining crystal galaxies of your soul. (Or colon, as the case may be.)

Recognizing this primordial desire, A24 actually produced a limited run of the gem encrusted monsters in question, selling them through their web site for a comparatively cheap $250. But that was then, and this is now: Having sold out through official channels, the Gem Furbies have now apparently entered the secondary market, where, per IndieWire, prospective Howie Ratners are now attempting to sell them for three times their original value on eBay.

And look: Do you run the risk, after dropping a grand on a bobble-eyed piece of movie memorabilia over the internet, of receiving in return a piece that is not an officially licensed recreation of a thing Adam Sandler once held, but just a heavy Furby that someone has hot-glued a bunch of rhinestones to? Absolutely. But isn’t that also part of the appeal? The compulsive, red-hot wire in your blood that says “Don’t stop, don’t think, just bid on this gold-plated Furby”? How do you even know you’re alive, if you’re not betting a thousand dollars of actual, food-buying money on a piece of jewelry that will out you to everyone you love as the world’s biggest fan of a movie about Kevin Garnett selling his soul in pursuit of a magical rock? You have to buy this, dear reader, and we have to encourage you to buy it. Not just because it’s the only way to ride the lightning of modern living, but because the idea of someone blowing their rent on a jewel-encrusted albatross to hang around their own necks is very funny to us, and that is how we win.

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