The TV development cycle has been awash in forthcoming reality shows that promise to shine a light on heretofore-unexplored sects of drunk, angry, and generally awful people. But finally, today brings news of docu-series promising to examine that most vital subject of sociological study—the rich, famous person—without whom we would have no exemplar to drive our aspirations, or reassure us that wealth and renown breeds its own special banality.
Among the people who will be doing boring things in big houses on your TV pretty soon: Cyndi Lauper, whose bizarre Bronx-honk rambles on Celebrity Apprentice have finally landed their own showcase on We TV, where she’ll star in a show that is simply called Cyndi and not, somehow, Cyndi Just Wants To Have Fun, nor Cyndi Lauper: True Colors, nor Cyndi Lauper: Time After Time. That same network has also just picked up Kendra On Top starring former Hugh Hefner accessory Kendra Wilkinson, whose graduation to the more womanly We TV signifies that she’s a mother now, y’all, and has long since outgrown her seedier stable at E!. (Note: The title would still, nevertheless, like you to imagine her having sex.)
And finally, VH1 will take the Real Housewives/Basketball Wives/Mob Wives formula of trading on tangential fame to its most logical conclusion with Hollywood Exes, which follows the cast-offs of famous entertainment stars like Eddie Murphy, Will Smith, Prince, R. Kelly, and, uh, Jose Canseco. According to the network, these ladies will attempt to demonstrate that “they are more than just a trophy wife with a pretty face” who was then deemed not pretty enough to be considered a “trophy” anymore, by the show’s own definition. They will then “establish their own lives apart from their famous exes,” beginning with starring in a reality show that hinges completely on their famous exes.
Through all of these series, our continuing study of the human condition will bring us ever closer to enlightenment on how other people deal with their husbands possibly getting traded to a different NFL team, and even more about what sort of weird sex stuff Eddie Murphy, Prince, and R. Kelly like. That is how we learn about ourselves.