Subway Commercial 2016 Quality Control (Screenshot: YouTube)

In what is destined to become the second most revolting story ever to be associated with Subway, an Australian Redditor called Mister_Scorpion has vowed to eat the most vile and unappetizing sub that the famed restaurant chain can legally produce and sell. Disregarding his own health and sanity for the fleeting glory of internet fame, Mister_Scorpion is letting Redditors choose the bread, sauces, vegetables, and other ingredients that will make up the proposed sandwich. “I will eat the highest rated comment,” he promises, “and report back.” It’s a terrifying story that has already captured the attention of Miles Klee at The Daily Dot, who writes: “There’s bravery, and then there’s Redditor Mister_Scorpion. Dude has promised to do something no sane person would.” In short, this foolhardy Australian is going to be “eating fresh” in the worst way possible.

So what kind of trouble has Mister_Scorpion gotten himself into here? What evils are lurking beneath the sneeze guard at a typical Subway restaurant? Plenty. It should not be surprising that Redditors already have plenty of stomach-churning suggestions, and they’ve not been shy about sharing them. The goal seems to be maximizing Mister_Scorpion’s suffering. Like Icarus, this overconfident Redditor has flown too close to the sun, except his wings are fashioned from thinly sliced meats and cheeses. Klee has gathered some of the more disgusting recipes that Reddit was able to devise. There’s The Barfologist: “Meatball and tuna with double squirt of sweet onion teriyaki sauce. Not toasted.” And then there’s The TPMO Classic: “Tuna, pepperoni, mustard and olives on whole wheat.” Or perhaps The Fussy Eater: “A white footlong with just olives and tomato sauce.”


Mister_Scorpion is still taking suggestions, but anyone who wants to get in on this action should know that there are restrictions. Choices are limited to actual Subway ingredients, for instance, and Subway employees will only go so far to please (or torture) their customers. This isn’t about getting anyone fired. And Mister_Scorpion himself has some guidelines of his own:

1) Must have one kind of meat.

2) Any salads and extra meat/cheese are fair game. Except red onion, I’m allergic.

3) Only 2 kinds of sauces max plz. That’s the limit at my local store. Also I don’t want to die.


Other than that, everything is fair game. Have fun and keep it cruel.