It’s an old philosophical question: ”Can Randy Newman write a song about Donald Trump’s dick so vulgar, not even Randy Newman would record it?” Now we have the answer—“Apparently!”—courtesy of an interview the “Short People” and Toy Story singer-songwriter gave to Vulture this week.
Newman started out talking about his bonkers new song, “Putin”—set to appear on his upcoming album, Dark Matter—when conversation turned to Vladimir P.’s good buddy, Donald Trump. When asked if he’d ever penned a song about the current U.S. president, Newman responded that he had, but that he’d refused to record it, on the grounds of decency, and also a refusal to shoot a fish in a barrel:
I did write about him. But the language was too vulgar. It felt too easy. The song was “My dick’s bigger than your dick / It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true / My dick’s bigger than your dick / I can prove it too / There it is! There’s my dick / Isn’t that a wonderful sight? / Run to the village, to town, to the countryside / Tell the people what you’ve seen here tonight.”
The song’s chorus, unsurprisingly, went, “What a dick!”
But Newman restrained himself from releasing it, saying, “I just didn’t want to add to the problem of how ugly the conversation we’re all having is, so I didn’t put it out.” Dark Matter—sans Trump dick—arrives next month.