Photo: Kevork Djansezian (Getty Images)

Are you a fan of Rami Malek? Would it interest you to know that Rami Malek is also a fan of things? Would you like to sit uncomfortably while Rami Malek stares at you with dead eyes and lists off all the things he’s a fan of? No? Well, too bad because this video already exists.

If you managed to stick around until the end you then you know this stilted, eerie confessional is actually an ad for the Mandarin Oriental hotel chain, though it could just as easily be an ad for “dressing sharp” and “traveling by train.” We’re not sure why Mandarin Oriental decided to produce the ad without any musical accompaniment or why they instructed Malek to read his lines like a seventh grader reciting a poem he barely remembers, but the result is giving people a lot of feelings.

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Maybe the serial killer vibes were incidental. Maybe they were trying to capture the aesthetic of those video dating services from the 1980s. If that’s the case, they absolutely nailed it.

Or maybe this is just repurposed footage from Rami Malek’s Bond 25 audition tape. It was reported last week that the actor is still in “final negotiations” for the villain role in Cary Fukunaga’s upcoming Bond installment, but, after seeing this hair-raising performance, we can’t imagine they’d go with anyone else.

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