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R. Kelly to rock your world with sexy, sexy memoir

R. Kelly, the man behind such classics as "Feelin On Yo Booty", "The World's Greatest Sex" and "Freaky in the Club" will soon join Cornel West and Henry Louis Gates, Jr. as one of the scribes on Tavis Smiley's imaginatively titled SmileyBooks imprint when he publishes his memoir sometime in 2011. Smiley has long fought to present positive, uplifting images of African-Americans through his one-man media empire, so it makes sense that he'd join forces with a man of such unimpeachable moral character.

“I’m writing this book as Robert, not R. Kelly. I’m tired of being misunderstood. I will show you the tears, fears, and sweat. I will open my heart and reveal the good in my life as well as all the drama. I want to tell it like it is.” says Kelly in the press release announcing the book.

The eccentric songwriting genius will cowrite the tome with VH-1 talking head David Ritz. Now what I'm about to say to y'all is so damn twisted: not only will Ritz ghostwrite the entire book inside a cabinet but Kelly's collaborator is a midget! O.K, so that's not technically true, or true at all, but wouldn't it be great if it was? It's doubtful Kelly's memoir will reach the creative heights of his "Trapped In The Closet" saga yet we remain, as always, cautiously optimistic.

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