As there is no more room in movie hell, it having reached capacity around the time of Katherine Heigl’s last comedy, the Earth is swarmed by the mindless shells of that which once genuinely lived—the latest being a second remake of George Romero’s Day Of The Dead, to be produced by the same simple-minded creatures behind this year’s Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3-D. “Zombie movies are really popular right now, and we feel we could do this right,” moaned actress and producer Christa Campbell to the L.A. Times of her insatiable drive to cannibalize the genre, which previously led to her co-starring in the last remake of Day Of The Dead in 2008. “ZOMBIE MOVIE POPULAR,” she no doubt reiterated, her twisted hand pawing at a chart illustrating the success of World War Z and AMC’s The Walking Dead—a success that, somehow, they’d been unable to replicate five years ago by having zombies terrorize Mena Suvari and Nick Cannon.

However, this time Campbell insists that Day Of The Dead will come back almost exactly the same, as so many naïve and desperate believe of their beloved, just before they have their brains hollowed out. “We want to keep it as close to the Romero version as possible to make sure that his fans are happy,” Campbell grunted, once more demonstrating the innate lack of empathy and self-awareness that is the mark of the zombie movie creator.


But, besides pleasing fans of George Romero by turning his classic into a $10-$20 million budget rehash, one filmed quickly enough that it can be in theaters by next year, and created expressly to piggyback on current zombie popularity, Campbell believes the remake is also justified by its plan to bring back slow zombies. “These are not going to be zombies climbing walls and doing back flips like in World War Z,” Campbell bellowed, illustrating the key difference in her film’s obvious attempt to replicate World War Z's military-plus-zombies formula in the simplistic language the soulless use to communicate.