George R.R. Martin’s A Song Of Ice And Fire books are a little grim as far as pure escapism goes, but that hasn’t stopped at least one Maryland prison from banning them on the grounds that their contents qualify as potential tools for escape. Per a recent piece for The Marshall Project, courtesy of Maryland Correctional Institute For Women resident Kimberly Hricko, Martin’s books have apparently been permanently banned from being owned by prisoners at the facility because they contain maps, considered contraband regardless of whether they depict Jessup, Maryland or King’s Landing, Westeros. (Note to ourselves: It’s really time to get our shit together and finish that Prison Break-esque escape thriller where someone hides their real map in the margins of one from a Tolkien book.)
Of course, this draconian approach to dragon-based literature isn’t entirely surprising, prisons not being especially well known for their flexibility or common sense approach to the topic of rules. Still, Hriko lays out the true absurdity of the system at length, as exemplified by an unseen “Miss Beatrice”—apparently the older woman who determines what is, and is not, contraband in the prison’s mail room. Other banned items under Miss B’s watch: Pictures of alcohol, greeting cards, and even, on one memorable occasion, a seedling from the Arbor Day Foundation. (“Trees are contraband.”)
And, hey, look: Uproxx already noted that this is close enough to the truly excellent Game Of Thrones joke from Logan Lucky as to more-or-less demand its inclusion here. Who are we to argue in the face of such obvious truth?