Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Prepare to harness the raw power of controlling James Franco

Like a beautiful, mustache-clad moon, James Franco orbits the pop-culture globe in a cyclic fashion, moving in and out of view as his latest Franco projects come and go. One day, he’ll be starting an international incident, or touching dicks with Seth Rogen. The next, he’ll be gone, as ephemeral as the morning mist; off on a quest to stage Sartre’s No Exit using Realdolls modeled after himself, or to get his teeth scrimshawed with images of tiny cannabis leaves.

But lo, children, the hour has come ’round at last: Like Brigadoon, James Franco has returned, with new James Franco bullshit to briefly hold your attention. First, there’s the video for his multimedia music group Daddy’s new single, “This Charming Man.” The song, released in advance of a 2015 album, is adapted from poems Franco wrote about The Smiths, and featuring contributions from original Smiths bassist Andy Rourke. Because, when you are James Franco, you can make things happen through nothing more than an innocent wish, as well as a great deal of fame and money.

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You might call out to the Franco spirits of the wind and earth: Does the video feature an original collage painting from noted artist James Franco? “You know it does,” the wind whispers back on the Franco-musk-tinged breeze.

But true Francophiles know that he not only commands and creates: Franco also listens, and receives. Thus, the actor/writer/dreamgineer is teaming up with Google+ and Paper magazine for #MakeJamesDo, an event where viewers can call in to a Google Hangout and give Franco instructions to follow. The Hangout is set for November 15, leaving you just a few days to flesh out your ultimate non-X-rated scenarios for Franco to follow. Will you make him sing? Cry? Or simply force him to intone the words “Ocnarf semaJ,” thus banishing him once again to his fifth-dimensional home?

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