Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Pray the world's greatest Time Crisis II player only uses his shooting skills for video games

Photo: Stephen Chernin (Getty Images)

The kind of people who get really good at arcade games like Dance Dance Revolution are never anything to worry about. Becoming incredibly skilled at jumping onto the right flashing button at the right time is impressive, but it’s by no means a dangerous skill (unless players try to use their moves on an actual crowded dance floor). Look at a guy absolutely tearing it up in light gun game Time Crisis II, though, and understand that if he wanted to, this man could easily be made into the most deadly warrior the world has ever seen.


Thanks to Andy Khouri, who tweeted out a trio of clips showing a man with John Wickian levels of skill expertly blasting through the game, we now know of the most frighteningly adept marksman on the planet. The guy works through levels like he’s possessed, strutting around in front of the cabinet with player one and two’s guns, shooting targets on both screens, and ducking bullets with theatrical grace.

Khouri highlights the “fully physical performance” he witnessed, which saw the man showing off his stuff with unnecessary flourishes like “taking the time to mime in-character action” or displaying how, like some 21st century Zatoichi, he’s moved beyond the need to visually monitor the game’s enemy timing and placement.


Perhaps all of this flair is meant to enhance the joy of watching his performance. Or maybe it’s all part of a diligent training regiment created to hone his plastic gun-shooting into a nuclear-grade weapon whose very existence serves as an individual way to deter World War III.


For now, at least, it seems the Time Crisis expert is content to use his deadly knowledge only to enjoy a complete mastery of the game and delight arcade onlookers. We can only hope that he never grows tired of these simple joys and looks to expand the range of his canvas by signing a contract with an underworld boss.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com


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About the author

Reid McCarter

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.