Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

“Portal: No Escape” makes solid case for a full-length Portal movie

With Hollywood swiftly abandoning its plans to adapt any combination of images and sounds that are immediately pleasing to the nostalgia receptors (Cue the sound of 1,000 Ouija posters being shredded), it’s time for movie studios to start looking toward source material that actually, you know, brings something new to the table. For instance, Portal, the first-person platformer that made gaming stars out of a group Washington college students and gave geeks another reason to worship at the altar of Jonathan Coulton. And look, studio execs—if you follow the model laid out by filmmaker Dan Trachtenberg, you don’t even have to pay anyone to write dialogue. Utilizing the Portal games’ unique physics and dystopian setting (with a “mysterious captivity” angle borrowed from Chan-wook Park’s Oldboy), Trachtenberg’s “Portal: No Escape” already looks like the pre-credits sequence to a summer blockbuster. And if the image of a female protagonist taking out faceless baddies by jumping through glowing teleportation holes doesn’t grab an audience’s attention, what will? Certainly not the Milton Bradley and Parker Brothers products gathering dust in the ol’ idea closet. [h/t @Power_Lloyd]

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