Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Please meet Toothy Thomas, unofficial mascot of the pandemic
Screenshot: YouTube

For weeks we’ve struggled to find an image to properly visualize the grim, absurdist horror that is this year’s coronavirus pandemic. Could it be photos of store shelves bereft of toilet paper? Horny (and now, apparently regretful) teens determined to still rage through their spring breaks? Rat turf wars?

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No. As of this morning, it is now clear that these were all pretenders to the throne. Internet, meet Toothy Thomas, the Fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse.

Early reports indicate he is a Yorkshire terrier living in Michigan who discovered his owner’s recently purchased joke teeth. We at The A.V. Club know better, however. Toothy Thomas is the avatar of our times—the specter of our collective looming mortality, grinning at us from the doggie bed in the corner of our living room. A living mockery of our domestic carceral state, made manifest in a little cuddly fuzz-ball with a full set of chompers.

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Truly, these are the last days. This is the way the world ends—not with a bang, but with a doge wearing dentures.

God is dead. All hail Toothy Thomas.

Andrew Paul is a contributing writer with work recently featured by NBC Think, GQ, Slate, Rolling Stone, and McSweeney's Internet Tendency. He writes the newsletter, (((Echo Chamber))).

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