The royal wedding went just fine. Planned and run with the considerable resources of a monarchy gleefully rubbing its hands at the opportunity for some good, tradition-reinforcing publicity, Meghan Markle and Prince Harry tied the old Windsor knot without a hitch. As anyone who’s sat through summers of less spectacular, celebrity-free weddings for their friends and family can tell you, though, a few more fuck-ups would’ve made the proceedings way more entertaining.
Thankfully, this problem is solved by YouTube channel BlendTV, who stepped in to edit footage of the lavish nuptials into an enormous mess. The video, with just a few smart cuts, turns the ceremony into an unmitigated disaster. The vows prompt the wrong person again and again, forcing Harry and Meghan to correct the priest (“I, Harry, take you, Meghan, to be my husband ...” is followed by a straight-faced Harry saying, “ ... my wife”), the nonplussed faces of the guests are intercut between snafus, and, best of all, the cellist misses his cue, playing a creaky, starter-level Suzuki method rendition of “Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star” as the rich and powerful wait in bemusement.
While fictional, the clip’s vision of a royal wedding gone off the rails is roughly 300 times more exciting than the well-oiled machine that viewers tuned into on Saturday. The disappointment of well-heeled old people like Prince Philip (sorry, common mistake: Prince Philip’s Monster) trying to contain their blue-blooded rage at the ceremony’s missteps would have made the event truly memorable. Instead, we just have to settle for what we got: the fabulously wealthy showing that even their weddings, no matter how well-funded, are as boringly predictable as any commoner’s.
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