Piers Morgan, the lone bulwark protecting 21st century masculinity from the existential threats of vegan sausage rolls and Daniel Craig being a father, has found a new target for his ire: Gillette razors.
Responding to an ad released by the company yesterday that calls, basically, for men to rethink the ways in which traditional notions of masculinity may be shitty, Morgan announced that he would now probably have to shave his face with products less inclined to engage in the sort of “virtue-signalling PC guff” that “[fuels] the current pathetic global assault on masculinity.”
This is par for the course for Morgan, who is a strong supporter of boys being “damn boys” and men being “damn men,” but what was surprising is that the tweet attracted the attention of Final Destination writer Jeffrey Reddick, who tried to explain the commercial’s message.
Morgan, incensed by this challenge to his razor commercial opinions, attempted to come back at Reddick with some sweaty, galaxy-brained invective.
Reddick stayed classy in his response, allowing Morgan’s retrograde debate as to whether horror movies “glorify” death to unfold in the mentions.
Morgan followed up this latest bout of public humiliation by writing a Daily Mail article where he reiterates his tweets, calls for a boycott of those man-haters over at Gillette, and again mischaracterizes the Final Destination series, in which God kills all of his fine creatures, regardless of their gender.
Satisfied with his work, Morgan sweatily went on to secure his image as a strong, powerful, and secure public figure by making fun of people for having fewer Twitter followers than him.
Fired up with masculine sexual energy, he also assured us he would have sex with himself if possible, which, for such a self-satisfied asshole, is surely Morgan’s dream scenario for finding “the best a man can get.”
[via Entertainment Weekly]
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