Thrilling the literally tens of people who have been waiting with baited, husky-lunged breath for its return—and reminding the rest of us that nostalgia is always a potent force, even when the thing we’re all being nostalgic for is gimmicky, weirdly colored crap—Pepsi has released a new ad announcing the long-hinted return of its translucent boondoggle, Crystal Pepsi. And, ensuring that everyone on the internet doesn’t forget—even for one blessed, Nicktoon-free moment of peace—that the ’90s were, and continue to have been, a thing, the ad in question is steeped in Clinton-era nostalgia (with Van Halen’s “Right Now” being traded out for the percussive irresistibility of “Whoomp! (There It Is)”).
There’s a catch, though, for those seeking to slake the unquenchable thirst of ’90s kid nostalgia: the new Crystal Pepsi won’t be in stores. Instead, the company is offering it via a sweepstakes, which interested parties can enter by wiping the soda stains off their smartphone screens and accessing the company’s loyalty app, Pepsi Pass. (You can also go here.) By paying Pepsi Pass points—earned by “hanging out with friends who also have Pepsi Pass, referring friends, or by visiting Pepsi Pass locations”—the socially active sodahound is entered into the running for one of 13,000 six-packs of the stuff, which are set to be delivered on December 24. (Merry Christmas, you old transparent high-fructose corn syrup!)
You can read the contest rules here, while simultaneously ruminating on a universe where being gifted a six-pack of backwards-looking sugar water constitutes a stroke of luck. (Meanwhile, we’ll be down at the bingo hall, hoping the caller pulls I-30 and nets us that palette of Crystal Gravy we’ve had our eye on now for weeks.)