The Las Vegas location of wax museum franchise Madame Tussauds has announced that it’ll be hiring extra security to watch over its statue of rap star Nicki Minaj, so as to discourage patrons from taking pictures of themselves in sexually explicit positions with the recently added figurine. Presumably, the museum is hoping that the added eyes will be the missing cautionary step in the statue-humping decision, a thought process we’ve attempted to simulate below:
“My, that wax figurine looks quite a bit like attractive musician Nicki Minaj! As a fan of her work, perhaps I could express my devotion through a respectful, candidly shot statue hump? Let the debate commence!
On the one hand, I’m in public, a place where simulated sex acts are often met with disdain. But on the other, Ms. Minaj’s waxy simulacra clearly draws inspiration from her ‘Anaconda’ video, as strident an anthem for sexual expression as ever has been penned!
But speaking of the pose in question, mightn’t I consider rapper Azealia Banks’ thoughts on the matter, decrying the choice to depict one of the world’s most successful female artists in a submissive, hands-and-knees pose? Not to mention the perilous journey that must be taken through the uncanny valley, if one seeks to fetishize this dead-eyed sexual golem?
Ultimately, though, I must bow to Ms. Minaj’s own thoughts on the matter, referring to other amateur statue hump photos (for genius spreads wide among this lofty brotherhood of man) as “flattering,” according to no less accredited a source than Hollywood Life! “Nicki is loving everything with the controversy of her wax figure and what her fans are being photographed doing to it,” their source declared, and who am I to question (the anonymous, possibly non-existent person speaking on behalf of) my musical idol? (Idol-based pun very much intended! I certainly am a caution today.)
So, yes, I do believe a bit of the old Ansel Adams is in order. I’ll just slip past the ropes, and—oh, I say! A constable! A docent! A sentinel against sin! Alas, his presence must have needs dissuade me. Do not forget me, dear sweet Nicki, for I shan’t forget you. Farewell! Farewell! The gift shop awaits!”
So, yeah, hopefully people will have a harder time photographing themselves doing sex stuff with the mannequin now.