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God is still alive, but needs help from Pat Boone (“Pat who?” -Everyone under the age of 40) to defend himself from Lorne Michaels, apparently. As detailed in The Hollywood Reporter, the God’s Not Dead 2 actor and icon of ’50s white-bread Americana has declared that Saturday Night Live is made up of a bunch of bullies who need to quit kicking sand into his personal savior’s face. Specifically, Boone’s ire was raised by last week’s movie-trailer parody “God Is A Boob Man,” where Christian bakery owner Vanessa Bayer is forced to defend her earnest belief that God has never had a homosexual thought, even though he created Tom Hardy:

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According to Boone—a devout member of the Christian faith, historically known for its great sense of humor about itself—the sketch “is diabolical. God has only one real enemy—Satan. Satan ridicules faith, and they’re taking Satan’s side. They’re also ridiculing me and the film, telling impressionable young people not to see it because it’s ridiculous,” he adds, perhaps revealing the true source of his irritation. “Then they throw in that the lawyer is Jewish to make the Christian look even worse, but it’s just anti-Semitic.”

Boone goes on to say that he was once asked to host Saturday Night Live, but refused the offer after producers wouldn’t promise not to mock his religious faith. (There’s that famous Christian sense of humor again.) Then the words “political correctness” were invoked, and something about Muslims killing people who make fun of Allah, and then we just kind of tuned out, honestly. “They answer to the one they defame, and there are consequences,” Boone ominously intones, the second most metal thing Pat Boone has ever said after “this one is a Metallica cover.”

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