Note the circa-2004 cell phone camera. (Photo: Getty Images)

Paris Hilton is smarter than she looks. There, we said it. By allowing herself to serve as a pop-cultural punching bagā€”and then moving into branded merchandising when the paparazziā€™s attention turned to a new, more voluptuous brand of fame-hungry socialiteā€”Hilton has managed to add to her already considerable inherited wealth to the tune of $1.5 billion in fragrance sales alone. And while she might not get paid tens of thousands of dollars just to show up at parties anymore, sheā€™s still making millions for showing up at parties and twiddling some knobs as a DJ.

In other words, Parisā€™ bank account is having the last laugh. And now that the wheel of nostalgia is starting to turn in her directionā€”early ā€˜00s nostalgia is coming, and thereā€™s nothing you can do about itā€”Hilton is smartly trying to get ahead of her critics once again by producing an ā€œunflinching, authorized documentaryā€ about herself. The doc was announced today at the Cannes market, the crassly commercial sibling to the high-class Cannes Film Festival where hucksters like Cannon Filmsā€™ Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus once peddled their wares.


Thereā€™s just one complicating factor, though: Namely, that this ā€œunflinchingā€ look at Hiltonā€™s life actually sounds pretty timid. ā€œParis Hilton is a modern day-Marilyn Monroe ā€” beautiful, iconized, world famous, shaped by mass media, and misunderstood,ā€ directors Don Argott and Sheena Joyce tell The Hollywood Reporter, implying that this might be more like the equivalent of a feature-length selfie than an actual exposĆ©. Although, considering Hilton also has a sex tape on the market, maybe thereā€™s just not that much left to expose.