Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Illustration for article titled Papa John admits he didnt eat 40 pizzas in 30 days, tarnishing an otherwise stellar reputation
Screenshot: YouTube

It’s been almost three months since a very sweaty, very normal “Papa John” Schnatter promised a “Day of Reckoning” to the corporate conspirators who ousted him from his grease-slathered pizza throne, and so far we’re still sans reckoning for these imposters to the crown. Of course, this might be in part due Schnatter’s failure to mention his firing only came after an audio clip leaked of him using the n-word during a company conference call on racial sensitivity, but let’s not get mired down in the details, okay?

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The point we’re making here is that Papa John hasn’t made good on his promises of vengeance, and we’re starting to doubt his character a little bit. But, hey, at least we can’t take away his impressive feat of eating 40 pizzas in 30 days from his former franchise during a rigorous, self-imposed fact-finding mission to prove “It just doesn’t taste as good” without him at the helm...right?

Well, prepare for disappointment. Schnatter recently took a moment to clarify that he meant 40 pizza slices, which is still insane, but, y’know, not as satisfyingly batshit as one’s literal weight in pepperoni.

“When I said I had a pizza, this means I’m inspecting...I’m not eating every pizza, I may be eating parts of pizzas,” he said during an interview on the H3 Podcast.

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Schnatter went on to assure us he still eats around eight or nine slices a week, as opposed to 12 to 15 per week while gainfully employed at his namesake company. As the NY Post notes, “This means at most he was eating only 1½ pizzas per week, or six a month, which is far from 40.”

Far from 40 indeed. Meanwhile, we’re taking bets as to which cabinet position Schnatter will get appointed to in Trump’s second term. Our money is on Secretary Housing and Urban Development.

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Andrew Paul's work is recently featured by Rolling Stone, GQ, The Forward, and The Believer, as well as McSweeney's Internet Tendency and TNY's Daily Shouts.

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