Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Only a way-too-big skeleton can save Halloween 2020 from total disaster

Illustration for article titled Only a way-too-big skeleton can save Halloween 2020 from total disaster
Photo: Ben Hider (Getty Images)

Unless we all get really creative, this year’s Halloween is probably going to suck. Kids won’t be able to go trick-or-treating; adults won’t get to have big parties. Instead, we all have to make the most of a bad situation by trying whatever we can to find the fun where it presents itself. Luckily, a giant skeleton has now marched its way into the season, arriving as a deathly ambassador of Halloween joy just in time to save the holiday from being boring as hell.

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12-feet tall and ready to party, the big bony boy lovingly christened “Home Accents Holiday 12 ft. Giant-Sized Skeleton With LifeEyes-5124738" is here to save us all. It was brought to our attention by @ashleyeleanor on Twitter, who shared photos of the towering prop doing its thing in a front yard, standing in a bunch of plants in a Home Depot, and, best of all, strapped to the roof of a car with its arms and legs flailing in the air.

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Its product page says the giant skeleton “makes a spine-tingling centerpiece for Halloween,” which we kind of assume was understood considering it’s 12-feet tall. It also says it can be used “indoor or outdoor,” filling our heads with pleasant images of families gathered in their quarantined living rooms on Halloween night, hanging cobwebs and plastic spiders from the skeleton’s huge bones in the hopes that the morning of November 1 will see ghoul-delivered presents of candy left beneath its enormous frame.

The giant skeleton’s potential uses are seemingly endless. It’s the perfect holiday item—the one thing that could fill our hearts with enough spooky cheer that 2020's Halloween will be remembered as something other than yet another of the year’s disappointments. The only wrinkle here is that the giant skeleton costs $300. If that seems like too much to pay, we ask you to remember the wise words of Tim Robinson, who prophesied that one day in the future bones may be money anyway. Consider the giant skeleton an investment then, not just in Halloween joy but in apocalyptic currency.

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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