According to a bulletin just shot down the pneumatic tube from the Onion executive offices above, IFC has announced an October 4 premiere date for the second season of Onion News Network, the only cable news program that dares to not address the issues of the day—or, in fact, any issues at all. This marks the program’s debut in its new Tuesday nights at 10 p.m. ET slot, Tuesday having been determined through comprehensive polling as the day when most of The Onion’s audience has absolutely nothing else to live for, really. You are, we have been informed, welcome.