It was easier, in generations past, to stick to that classic “respect your elders” maxim. When our grandparents were dispensing advice verbally—or in admirably detailed, lengthy letters folded into birthday cards alongside a crisp $20—the wisdom that comes from age was easy to recognize. Now, though, witnessing them tap out inane shit on Facebook, a platform whose purpose seems to many seniors an impossible puzzle, it’s tougher to appreciate their authority.
Here, for your consideration, is an argument for needing a permit before being able to use emojis.
This is far from the only screenshot to enjoy. A Twitter user with the excellent handle, “dogwithablog_69,” has collected some greatest hits from r/oldpeoplefacebook, which, as the name suggests, is an ongoing journal of wonderfully inept seniors not getting how to use Facebook. Each post is a unique treasure, stunning in its own way, but they can be roughly grouped together into two distinct categories.
First, there are those who share idle thoughts and private questions for everyone to see.
And second, there are chilling examples of how maniacal the modern human can appear when failing to understand the difference between the “heart eyes” emoji and a simple heart icon or the “crying laughing” emoji and any of the many others that actually communicate sadness.
The finest of all of these, which belongs to this last group but deserves its own section, is one user’s unlikely career celebration:
Many of the people featured in these screenshots are undoubtedly intelligent and thoughtful, full of hard-learned lessons to pass down to their juniors. With, perhaps, the exception of the Facebook user concerned about having “wifi running through my body,” we have to remember how much there is to gain from listening to those who’ve lived experiences we could hardly imagine. It’s for this reason that seniors must be kept from Facebook; how else is anyone supposed to remember they actually know things?
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