Fast & Furious 6

A big part of the muscleman lifestyle involves competing with other musclemen to prove that you’re the biggest muscleman. To do this, the musclemen take off all of their clothes except for a small garment to protect their modesty, they oil themselves up (or have a trusted muscleman friend help oil them up), and then they stand on a stage and come up with the best pose to highlight their many muscles. Then, whoever wins gets to crush their opponent’s skull between their mighty thighs while screaming “this is my beach” as loudly as they can. In the bodybuilding community, this sort of competition is known as either “The Delicate Dance” or “The Beefcake Battle.”

Now, one of today’s muscliest men has challenged one of yesterday’s muscliest men to the TV equivalent of a Beefcake Battle, with both Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Arnold “The Kindergarten Cop” Schwarzenegger developing TV shows about the birth of bodybuilder culture in the ‘70s and ‘80s. We reported on Schwarzenegger’s show, Pump, earlier this week, and now Deadline is reporting that a similar show from Johnson has been picked up by the USA Network. Johnson’s show is called Muscle Beach, and it’s said to be about “a colorful tribe of lost souls” as they try to exercise their way to “a bigger, better American dream” in the ‘80s. However, “the excess of the era and the many temptations of Los Angeles will expose the dark side of chasing dreams.”

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Obviously, though, this beach is only big enough for one muscleman TV show, so one of these projects is going to have to pack up its dumbbells and hit the road. But which one? There’s really only one way to solve this: Complicated market analyses that will determine which one has the bigger potential to be a hit. Then the winning show gets to crush the loser’s head between its mighty thighs.