Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Now Australia wants to punish Amber Heard for dog smuggling

Artist's rendition of Heard slipping her dog past Australian border security

The worst Australia-related crime since Tarantino’s accent in Django Unchained rages on, as, having failed to put Johnny Depp in jail, or kill his tiny dogs before they yip again, the Aussie authorities now have their sights on his wife. Amber Heard, the former Friday Night Lights actress who recently appeared opposite Channing Tatum in Magic Mike XXL, is now being named as an accomplice in Depp’s canine reign of terror. The Australian Senate held a hearing to bring her to justice, threatening a sentence of as much as $265,000 and ten years in jail.

The couple’s crime? In defiance of law, decency, and the natural order, they brought two small Yorkshire terriers into the country without clearing them with customs first. Heard was accompanying Depp to Brisbane, where he is filming Pirates Of The Caribbean XI: Captain Stubing’s Revenge, or whichever well-known naval figure they’re trotting out this time. It’s not clear why the focus of the investigation has shifted from Depp to Heard, and authorities have said they are “unable to comment on an ongoing investigation, mate.” (The “mate” part is implied.)


Heard has dismissed the rather serious potential consequences of the summons, saying, “we’re going to avoid the land Down Under from now on… thanks to certain politicians there.” Those politicians may talk tough, but Heard knows what’s really behind their so-called desire to protect their population and wildlife from potential foreign disease and invasive species. “I guess everyone tries to go for their 15 minutes, including some government officials,” she says.

For those worried this may put a damper on this or any future installment of the Pirates Of The Caribbean series, don’t—they’re going to make like 20 more of those things.

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