Spare a thought for Melania Trump, sick in bed while her hard-won title of America’s Christmas Champion is in jeopardy thanks to leaked audio of her talking about, among other things, how much she hates decorating for Christmas.
In a phone conversation from July 2018, supplied by Melania’s former pal Stephanie Winston Wolkof, the First Lady describes how she’s “working my ass off at Christmas stuff.”
“You know ... who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decoration?” Trump asks. “But I need to do it, right? Correct?”
“100%. You have no choice,” Winston Wolkof replies, assuring her friend that there’s no way out of a prison whose bars are made up of glad tidings and good cheer.
Does Melania Trump’s opinion of Christmas matter in the grand scheme of things? No, not really! But it is absolutely hilarious that such a key general in the War On Christmas seems to hate the holiday with a Grinch-like passion. Who could have ever guessed that just beyond those waxy smiles and penetrating corpse eyes, there was so much disdain for anything, let alone the Christmas season?
We certainly couldn’t tell from the inspired job Trump has done in decorating the White House in holidays past. Her aesthetic of stigmata-wound red Christmas trees and chilly black and white caverns suggests a real devotion to celebrating Jesus’ birth not as something warm and fuzzy, but as a monumental occasion that will eventually lead the world to descend into horror—for great and terrible beasts to appear from sky and sea while the earth itself trembles in darkness before Christ’s return. Now, we’re forced to question everything we thought we knew. Who gives a fuck about Christmas stuff and decoration, Melania? It’s like we never even knew you.
Having worked herself up over the enormous pain in the ass that is watching dozens of horror movies to inspire her decorations every year, Trump gets to the real heart of her issue in the leaked conversation.
“Okay, and then I do it and I say that I’m working on Christmas planning for the Christmas,” Trump continues as her conversation with Winston Wolfkof continues, “And they said, ‘Ooo, what about the children, that they were separated?’ Give me a fucking break.”
Listen to her suggestion. Give her a fucking break. This poor woman not only has to pretend to love stuff she hates, but she also has to deal with the “liberal media” being super annoying about her involvement in keeping children in cages. Our hearts bleed for Melania. Maybe this year for Christmas, she’ll get a break from it all.
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