With Seth MacFarlane definitely, absolutely not coming back to host the Oscars and absorb all the world’s hatred, growing ever stronger, the search is now on for next year’s sacrificial lamb, because God forbid we allow 48 hours to pass without thinking about the Oscars. And naturally, all eyes have turned to Tina Fey, whose recent turn co-hosting the Golden Globes so successfully escaped that usual splenetic rage, even MacFarlane acknowledged she probably should have been up there instead.

Fortunately for all of next year’s Oscar post-mortems that depend on decrying the host, Fey doesn’t want to do it, telling The Huffington Post, “No way” when asked about the possibility. “I just feel like that gig is so hard. Especially for, like, a woman—the amount of months that would be spent trying on dresses alone…,” Fey added, demonstrating she at least has the right attitude about women to do the job. Alas, she denies there’s even a “one in a million chance” that she’d do it, so the attention now shifts to finding someone else suited to the task, such as maybe a film loop of war atrocities. “War Atrocity Film Loop: Worst Oscar Host Ever?” the next-day headlines will read, above a dozen comments arguing “it was still better than James Franco.”