Outside of that bit where Baby Kirk rocks out to a 400-year-old Beastie Boys album in the first rebooted Star Trek movie—and the various trials, travails, and “Shut ups” that marked the early career of a young Wesley Crusher—Star Trek, as a whole, has never concerned itself all that much with the angry teen experience. Sure, Deep Space 9's Jake and Nog might fuck around on the promenade from time to time, but the series has never really wrestled with truly dipping into the mind and priorities of the pissed-off astro-teen. You know, important coming-of-age milestones like jacking a military spaceship and using it to cruise around the galaxy, smashing nebulas, and just being generally mad at stuff.
But now our angsty space-prayers have finally been answered, as Nickelodeon revealed some of the plot details of its previously announced CG-animated Star Trek series this week. Per Deadline, the show will center on a group of “lawless teens” who come across a derelict Starfleet spaceship and “use it to search for adventure, meaning, and salvation” out in the wider universe, presumably after they take it to a Denny’s at 3 a.m. to get really “real” with each other. (Quick sidebar: Are these kids not aware that God—or his closest non-union equivalent—lives at the center of the universe, per Star Trek V? Instant salvation right there, as long as you’re willing to let him bum a ride.)
The as-yet-untitled series—for which we’d like to humbly submit the working title Star Trek: My Mom Forgot To Hide The Keys To Her Shitty Old Honda—is one of four new Trek series currently in development, alongside Picard, Michelle Yeoh’s Section 31, and the also-animated Lower Decks, from Rick And Morty writer Mike McMahan. The series is being written by Kevin and Dan Hageman, previously of such kid-friendly properties as Trollhunters and Lego’s Ninjago.