We never thought we’d be holding up Kevin Sorbo as a model of centrist restraint, but here we are
Photo: Frederick M. Brown (Getty Images)

Earlier this week, we told you about Roe V. Wade, an attempt to capitalize on the frenzied anti-choice myopia that drives a certain section of the American electorate from writer/director/producer Nick Loeb, best known for his minor roles in disposable B-movies like “low-rent Heat cloneDen Of Thieves. Just kidding: He’s best known for suing his ex, Sofia Vergara, in an attempt to steal her frozen embryos, which tells you a lot about what this guy thinks about women’s bodily autonomy. (He lost that suit, by the way.) That experience, in which he attempted to hijack a woman’s reproductive capacity as a means of control over her finances and behavior, has apparently “informed” the film, which is currently filming under the working title 1973.

They’re having some trouble, too, with locations kicking the production out as soon as they find out that the film includes, according to The Daily Beast’s anonymous sources, “several graphic scenes depicting aborted fetuses.” (It still purports to be “PG-rated.”) The script is apparently so insane that a “whitewashed synopsis” is being offered to prospective cast and crew members; once they read the actual script, they’re bailing en masse. (“When I read the first two pages, I was like what the fuck is this?,” as The Daily Beast’s source puts it.) The original director and first AD reportedly quit on the first day—which explains how the totally inexperienced Loeb and co-director Cathy Allyn got put in charge—and the costumer, location manager, and several other crew members quit as well.

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Even the staunchly anti-abortion Kevin Sorbo, who’s appeared in a number of faith-based films, including the original God’s Not Dead, and campaigned on behalf of the anti-abortion documentary Gosnell in 2014, quit the film after finding out the true extent of its content. Born-again Christian Stephen Baldwin, who launched an “extreme sports ministry” called the AsSALT Tour (we’re not sure what that stands for, either) in 2008, also bailed after reading the script. Both men were set to play Supreme Court justices, a scenario that could very well go from art to life the way American politics are going.

Also being kept secret from much of the cast and crew are cameos from malignant tumors Tomi Lahren, as a Planned Parenthood volunteer and daughter of Supreme Court Justice Blackmun, and Milo Yiannopoulos, as a callous British abortion doctor described in the script as “an Anglo-Jew from India, with an unusual habit of an awkward giggle at the end of every sentence.” In Milo’s single scene in the film, his and Loeb’s characters perform 32 abortions in five hours in what we can only assume is one of the graphic scenes mentioned above.

Actors who are willing to be involved with this flaming paper bag of bullshit include Stacey Dash, Jon Voight, Robert Davi, Corbin Bernsen, John Schneider, Richard Portnow, Wade Williams, William Forsythe, Steve Guttenberg, Jamie Kennedy, and Joey Lawrence.

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