Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

New RPG tasks players with defeating Carrot Top and "The Illuminati Of Laughter"

Illustration for article titled New RPG tasks players with defeating Carrot Top and The Illuminati Of Laughter
Photo: Gabe Ginsberg (Getty Images)

Role-playing games have spent too many decades pitting players against bloodthirsty dragons and murderous aliens, ignoring more relatable forms of evil. A long overdue correction has just surfaced in the form of Killing Carrot Top, a free, text-based RPG by Jay Winbrenner that does away with fantasy and sci-fi settings in favor of a cautionary tale where ‘80s and ‘90s comedians have overtaken the world.

The opening text scroll provides all the context you really need. Players assume the role of the “Comedian Slayer, humanity’s last bastion of hope against” the “Illuminati Of Laughter—a sinister coalition of comedians hell bent on the annihilation of the human race.” Their ultimate goal is to traverse an apocalyptic world on a mission to “assassinate the Diabolical Lord Of Laughter himself—Carrot Top.”

After getting equipped with makeshift weapons and armor, players sneak through patrolling Cybernetic Howie Mandels, navigate combat encounters with a cannibalistic Emo Philips, answer the Home Improvement-based riddles of a Sphinx-like Tim Allen, and bravely face off against Pauly Shore, Andrew Dice Clay, Bobcat Goldthwait, Yakov Smirnoff, and more. If the Comedian Slayer is strong and clever enough, the dreaded Carrot Top awaits, ready to test the mettle of even the most determined player.


With Killing Carrot Top, Winbrenner has created a terrifying vision of the future, perhaps as his own sick joke or, more likely, as a warning to us all. The comedians’ power must always be checked, lest they create the kind of nightmare society envisioned by his horrifying video game. While the passage of time has done a pretty good job of defeating many of the game’s villains on its own, we can’t ever allow ourselves to grow complacent lest they rise again, ready to carry out their secret plans to remake society in their image.

If you’re feeling brave enough, experience this cautionary tale by checking out Killing Carrot Top for yourself.

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

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