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New reality show to find remaining New Jerseyans who don’t have a reality show

In the late 18th century, English philosopher and erudite pervert Jeremy Bentham proposed his Panopticon, a building that would theoretically allow a single observer to watch all inmates of a prison at once, the knowledge that they were being monitored at all times thereby affecting their behavior. Earlier this century, Bentham’s design was put into practice with the production of several dozen reality shows set in New Jersey, which will ensure that none of its states’ residents will again escape our ever-vigilant gaze.

As part of that process, Page Six reports that a new reality series is currently being put together for a “major cable network” that will focus on New Jersey’s “most glamorous housewives.” These will differ from the housewives that are currently under the scrutiny of shows such as Snooki & JWoww, Jerseylicious, Jersey Couture, and Real Housewives Of New Jersey—a program that has already led to at least one successful incarceration.


“These affluent women, families and friends will be living ‘the good life’ in one of New Jersey’s most exclusive communities, reside in amazing homes, and love the lavish lifestyle,” reads the description of suspects producers are on the look out for, knowing that any minute they could be yelling at each other in comical accents.

“We want amusing, classy ladies… if that exists in New Jersey,” casting agent Tami Brandel added knowingly, in much the same way a prison warden says his chief interest is in “rehabilitation.” It helps to keep the mood light.

Neither the name nor the exact setting for this newest New Jersey show have been announced—only that it’s being put together because “there are very colorful characters in New Jersey.” And as of now, untold dozens of them remain dangerously unsupervised.

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