Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

New Jersey police dismantle homemade "UFO detector," sealing the grim fate of humankind

A photo of French UFO enthusiasts that doubles as a warning sign of what’s soon to come.
A photo of French UFO enthusiasts that doubles as a warning sign of what’s soon to come.
Photo: Pierre Andrieu (Getty Images)

The New Jersey State Park Police (NJSPP) reported last Friday that their officers had identified and “disarmed” a UFO detecting device found in Wharton State Forest. The foolish people behind this decision took responsibility for their short-sighted action in a Facebook post that, if we’re lucky enough to survive the next few years, will one day be included in museums as an important document from the early stages of the Great War For Earth.

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“After examination by members of the NJSPP Detective Unit and NJSPP K-9 Unit, our Explosive Detecting K-9 ‘Prime’ was deployed,” the post states. “Prime determined the UFO Detecting Device was safe.” It continues by describing exactly how such a strange piece of technology is taken apart. “The device was carefully ‘disarmed’ by NJ State Park Police personnel,” we learn, “by unplugging the headphone wire from the block of wood and the soup can it was plugged into.”

A photo of the incredible machine is included in the Facebook post. When coupled with a description of the UFO detector’s component parts, the post can only be explained as an act of intentional subversion by elements of the NJSPP who recognize that it’s up to ordinary citizens to replace the device by constructing new ones.

“Although human kind [sic] and the visitors to New Jersey’s State Parks appreciate an extra-terrestrial early warning device like this, we should not be finding them in our State Parks,” the post states. We believe we speak for the rest of humanity in saying that this mocking tone is not welcome. Whether the NJSPP is simply acting out of callous disregard for our species’ future or is secretly being controlled by the alien invaders as part of their international puppet government, we don’t yet know. For now, the safest course of action is to keep a close eye on them and hope that they’re caught more openly betraying their evil agenda—perhaps by being photographed while taking meetings with the Jersey Devil, which we’re now 100% sure is actually an alien, too.

[via Boing Boing]

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Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.