In news sure to distress those familiar with the dreary chronicle of the Baudelaire orphans, Netflix has acquired the rights to Lemony Snicket’s A Series Of Unfortunate Events. The live-action adaptation, a word which here means “imagining the regrettable characters and their dire circumstances for the screen, rather than the page,” is being fast-tracked by Paramount, who is responsible for foisting 2004’s movie starring Jim Carrey on unsuspecting moviegoers—many of whom never fully recovered from viewing the tragic story of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire.

“I can’t believe it,” Snicket said in a statement from “an undisclosed location.” “After years of providing top-quality entertainment on demand, Netflix is risking its reputation and its success by associating itself with my dismaying and upsetting books.” Netflix went on to add, “Mr. Snicket’s participation will be limited, given his emotional distress, but the project has the full involvement of his legal, literary, and social representative Daniel Handler, who is often mistaken for him.”

Advertisement

Lemony Snicket is the author of quite a few books, including The Latke Who Couldn’t Stop Screaming, All The Wrong Questions, and Who Could That Be At This Hour? A studied expert in rhetorical analysis, he is widely regarded as one of the most difficult children’s authors to capture and imprison.