Image: Coraline

The year is 2009. You’ve just walked out of the theater from watching Coraline for the first time. You’re scared shitless. The year is 2019. It is happening again, but with real people and button-eyed monsters. That’s the reality that Twitter conjured up recently, and it’s also not happening. Neil Gaiman, who penned the novella upon which the film is based, is making sure of that.

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It’s hard to pinpoint where all the chatter started, but it seems to be with the myriad calls for either Stranger Things’ Natalia Dyer or pop singer Billie Eilish to star in the nonexistent film.

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This rampant speculation, however, put some on the defensive.

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And that’s when Gaiman himself stepped in, and boy does he sound like an old man telling you to get off his lawn. Leave him alone, will ya!

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He just wants to talk, okay? Everyone can rest assured this isn’t happening, no matter how much you reply to him on Twitter about it (but don’t).

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Anyways, no matter how fantastical, scary, or good a live-action Coraline movie might have been if Gaiman was involved, it’s not going to happen. Excuse us as we storm off in disappointment.

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