Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

National Dog Show inches one step closer to fully non-human event with cardboard pets

Illustration for article titled National Dog Show inches one step closer to fully non-human event with cardboard pets
Screenshot: iHollywoodTV

Despite everything this year has thrown at the world, the 2020 National Dog Show still took place. A Scottish Deerhound named Claire won best in show. She seems like a nice dog and we wish her the best. But her victory—which is greatly preferable to some pom-pom-headed freak taking top honors—is only a distraction from the most important aspect of the event. In short: The dogs have started a movement to rid themselves of human interference.

As shown in the above screenshot, the Greater Philadelphia Expo Center cleared its stands of hairless apes this year, replacing them with cardboard cutouts of a few people (including NBC TV characters) and a whole lot of dogs. The rationale for this is COVID safety, of course, but we know it’s much more likely that the dogs who make the show what it is used a tumultuous moment in time to negotiate toward the all-dog audience they’ve long desired.

Advertisement

Look at the dog cutouts (and the one cat cutout) and it’s clear that this is the future of dog shows. Rather than prance around for a bunch of hooting humans, their limbs measured and genitals inspected by bipedal observers, the National Dog Show should be an event spectated by and judged entirely by a group of peers.

Advertisement

So many aspects of our lives have changed during this year, temporary pandemic measures showing that we can rethink the old ways of doing things. And now the dogs have shown us that they’re ready to run their shows on their own. First, it’s cutouts. Next, it’s stands filled with dogs that bark their doggy approval after dog judges have sufficiently sniffed the contestants’ dog asses and the best dog of the year is chosen by its fellow dogs.

[via Mashable and HuffPost]

Send Great Job, Internet tips to gji@theonion.com

Advertisement

Contributor, The A.V. Club. Reid's a writer and editor who has appeared at GQ, Playboy, and Paste. He also co-created and writes for videogame sites Bullet Points Monthly and Digital Love Child.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter