Hey, did you hear the one about what Mr. T said when he lost control of his bowels at a pool party? He said, “I shitty the pool.”

Oh, you’ve heard that one already. Okay, what did Mr. T say after delivering a particularly inspiring motivational speech for a class of high-school students? “I’m witty at school.”


Or how about this one—What did Mr. T say when he put lipstick on a ghost? That’s right, “I prettied the ghoul.”

Now let’s see if you can guess this one. If they gave Mr. T a home-improvement show on the DIY Network, similar to Vanilla Ice’s property-flipping series/petty burglary scheme The Vanilla Ice Project, what would it be called?


I Pity The Tool?

Man, you are so smart. Because that’s exactly what the series, which is real and was reported by Variety earlier today, is going to be called. The show will follow T and interior designer Tiffany Brooks as they visit people going through hard times and surprise them with new kitchens or bathrooms or whatever. On this unique opportunity to combine his signature pity with his talent for destruction—T reportedly worked in demolition before becoming an actor—T says, “I have a heart of gold, but I’m really a marshmallow in my heart.” (He is a mama’s boy.)


DIY Network reportedly hopes to air I Pity The Tool sometime in 2016, but is hesitant to set an exact air date. As T tells Variety, “You have to take your time. You have to scout things out. If you do the wrong thing, it’s going to be a disaster.”