Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.
Pop culture obsessives writing for the pop culture obsessed.

Movie about Nicolas Cage somehow won't star Nicolas Cage

Illustration for article titled Movie about Nicolas Cage somehow wont star Nicolas Cage

The complete story of Nicolas Cage will be told someday, if only through interpretive dance by the shamans of post-apocalyptic tribes, the fluid poetry of their flailing limbs and widow’s peaks drawn with raven’s blood conveying the epic bravery of He Who Fought The Bees And Pissed Fire and always lived to collect his paycheck. But for now we will have to content ourselves with Action No. 1, a heist comedy from The State and Reno 911! alums Robert Ben Garant and Thomas Lennon that takes but one page from the Book of Cage—specifically, the 2000 theft of his Superman-introducing copy of Action Comics No. 1. And while the purloined comic book’s 11-year journey to being recovered is definitely interesting, as interesting episodes in Cage’s life go, scholars will tell you that it rates far below his run-ins with naked men wielding Fudgesicles and his last trip to the post office, probably.

Which could explain why, despite the “Nicolas Cage” part being written specifically for Nicolas Cage, The Hollywood Reporter says that Nicolas Cage probably won’t join the project even though he's perfect for the role, and it's a movie being made with cameras and everything. Considering Nicolas Cage has been playing the part of “Nicolas Cage” in both his movies and his real life for many years now, perhaps he senses that playing the part of “Nicolas Cage playing the part of Nicolas Cage” could cause some sort of total metaphysical collapse that swallows the known universe. So in a way, Nicolas Cage is just saving the world again.

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