Our corporate and spiritual brethren over at The Onion have some things they'd like you to do. The first is to watch tonight's episode of Onion News Network on IFC, which airs at 10 eastern and 9 central. There's some exciting news about Steve Jobs inside, which you'll see below.
Also debuting from The Onion today is a compilation of sports-related stories in a book called The Ecstasy Of Defeat. It might make a perfect holiday gift for that person who you know likes sports, but who you don't know much else about. In its honor, let's watch a quick episode of GOOMF, a.k.a. "Get Out Of My Face."