How will the new owners of Miramax help the once-great indie film studio recapture some of its mid-to-late-’90s glory? By literally recapturing its mid-to-late-’90s glory with a flood of sequels to some of Miramax’s greatest hits, produced in partnership with the studio's former owners at The Weinstein Company. Among the titles currently being prepped for follow-ups: Bad Santa, Rounders, and Shakespeare In Love, all of which have now been classified as “franchises." And unlike a regular old movie, a "franchise" has limitless possibilities for expansion. For example, we’ve already seen where Shakespeare got the inspiration for plays like Romeo And Juliet and Two Gentlemen Of Verona, but did you ever ask yourself what comical confluence of events led to the creation of Richard III or Antony And Cleopatra? Sure, there's history, but also, perhaps William Shakespeare was just perusing the open-air market one day and came upon a little humpbacked man crying out for a horse and was like, "Aha!"? Or, you know, maybe one of his girlfriends killed herself with a snake? He wrote a lot of stuff, is all we're saying.

Also on the docket for potential further sequels, spinoffs, and/or TV adaptations: Bridget Jones’ Diary, From Dusk Till Dawn, Swingers, Clerks, Shall We Dance, The Amityville Horror, and Cop Land—many of which (like Bridget Jones, From Dusk Till Dawn, Clerks, and The Amityville Horror) have already seen sequels and TV adaptations, many of which were already pale imitations of the former, some of which went straight to video and were never spoken of again. The ones that haven't seen sequels, well, those seem fairly tied to their specific casts and era. (Unless the swing revival is coming back, which is potentially great news for the Cherry Poppin' Daddies.) But of course, Miramax was recently sold to a construction company, and every guy in construction knows it's faster, cheaper, and easier to just slap on a shoddy addition to an existing foundation, rather than try to build something new from the ground up.